


A love like this

by smyonlyone



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Lots of Angst, M/M, Making Up, i hope so, with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-08 14:15:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12256041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smyonlyone/pseuds/smyonlyone
Summary: Isak and Even have broken up.The news spread across the Uni within a day, leaving everyone completely shocked by the absurdity of it. How come?- Their relationship is more solid than my Granpa's Nokia, - Magnus frowns. - Who came up with this bullshit?- It's not bullshit, - Isak says in a hoarse voice, approaching them from behind. - We're not together anymore.Sometimes even the unbreakable can break. Is it possible to mend the shattered pieces?





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my ongoing fanfics, which I'm translating into English rn, so the chaps will probably take more time to update. Aaaaand I'm still struggling with the 'Change of plans', the Matchmaking AU, but I don't intend to drop it. I just don't have enough time for everything... 
> 
> And right now I'm trying to structure the whole mess I've made with my ongoing works...
> 
> But here's another fic that I started a long time ago in my native language but I really wanted to share it here too. So if anybody wants to beta just lemme know.

Isak and Even have broken up.

The news spread across the Uni within a day, leaving everyone completely shocked by the absurdity of it. How come?

\- Their relationship is more solid than my Granpa's Nokia, - Magnus frowns. - Who came up with this bullshit?

\- It's not bullshit, - Isak says in a hoarse voice, approaching them from behind. - We're not together anymore.

His friends are watching him with identical facial expressions: confusion, suspicion and expectation. Expectation of the fact that Isak calls it all a joke. A stupid joke.

They are right, the whole thing doesn't seem like the truth at all. Even Isak himself still doesn't comprehend the words he's just said. They came out of his mouth but sounded so wrong. Not real. Like it was not him who said that, but another Isak from another universe.

\- What do you mean? - Magnus rounds his eyes. - Are you serious?

Isak shrugs and shoves his hands inside his jeans pockets, awkwardly shifting from one foot to another and looking away. He wants to pretend that what he said doesn't bother him at all. He wants to pretend indifferent and wants everyone to believe him.

_You're expecting too much._

He was phenomenal at pretending to have feelings for someone when he had to play the role of a straight guy, but pretending to have no feelings for Even is unreal. Because not loving him is unreal. It will always be.

\- Isak, - Jonas gets off the windowsill, from where he was watching the whole scene a moment before, comes up to his friend and puts his firm hand on his shoulder, squeezing it a little. - What happened?

Isak looks at his best friend, silently begging him to do something, anything to mend the giant hole in his chest. Even a little bit. Anyone with eyes can guess by his purple dark circles that he has been sleep-deprived for days.

\- Shit, guys, I think it's real, - Magnus closes his mouth with his palm in horror. - What are we gonna do?

The sincerity in his voice could have made Isak laugh in any other circumstances but now it just squeezes his throat even more, causing unwanted tears appear in the corners of his eyes.

He is standing right there, in the middle of the long Uni's corridor, wearing only a summer plaid shirt, trembling either from cold or from fear and feeling how the emotions he has been keeping for last two days try to escape his body.

\- Hey, hey, Isak, - Jonas catches the boy's lost and painful gaze and immediately pulls him in for an embrace. He feels how Isak mutes a grieving sob in the fabric of his hoodie. - I'm here, - Jonas whispers quietly, only for Isak's ears, - We're here, - He says louder, staring at his friends with wide eyes, silently asking for help.

Isak feels his body shake from head to toe. Actually, he wasn't going to come here today at all, but staying in their empty apartment was a scarier option that bearing with other people's annoying sympathy. He even thinks that maybe he needs that sympathy.

One day Even said that loneliness scared him to death. At that time Isak just nodded, not fully understanding what it meant, because he had always been alone. Loneliness never scared him: he was doing great on his own, although he wasn't happy. But now, when Isak found everything his heart had been searching for, everything that came together in one particular person, and then lost it in one day, he thinks that maybe he really can die of loneliness.

Two days ago, on Friday, October 18th, Even gathered all his belongings and left the house. He left the apartment they had managed to buy almost on their own, the apartment they had made the safest place in the world. The place they rushed back to every day after work and school only to spent some quality time with each other. No matter how late one of them came home, they had to wake up in each other's arms. It was their rule, their law, the Unbreakable Vow they made every day, securing it with a kiss on the white sheets.

Isak is drowning his sorrows on Jonas's chest, thinking about everything in the world. He's thinking that the hoodie Jonas is wearing is actually his; Isak gave it to him for a day in high school and now it no longer belongs to him; he is thinking about the way the grass was covered in frost beautifully this morning; he is thinking that today is the first time he froze so badly because Even always makes sure Isak is staying warm, he's thinking that he has no lunch in his backpack because Even always makes him something to grab to Uni, he's thinking about the today's movie premiere Even anticipated and the one they will never go to together; he's thinking that he will never be able to drown his sorrows on Even's chest like this anymore. 

Even became a part of him. And that part was ripped out with such a strong force that now there's nothing. Nothing where his heart is supposed to be. And it fucking hurts.

Even. Even. Even. Even.

\- Guys! You'll never believe what I just saw!

Everyone, including Isak, looks up at Vilde. Noticing Isak, she shuts her mouth and awkwardly steps back.

\- Well, it is not that important anyway... I gotta go, - she wants to leave but Jonas narrows his eyes and suspiciously asks, still holding Isak in his arms,

\- What did you see?

\- Well... I... Even... - Vilde is visibly trying to find a way out of this but fails, when Isak himself asks,

-What did you see, Vilde? - The boy gets out of the friendly embrace and stares at her awaitingly, leaving no room for an escape. - What. Did. You. See.

She looks at him with all the sympathy Vilde's nature is capable of and Isak knows now. He knows everything without words. But he still needs to hear this. He needs to feel how the words tear his flesh apart like poison darts. He is becoming a masochist, enjoying the pain, because pain has been the only thing he felt for the past few weeks. He lived the pain. He craved this pain. Can it be worse? It can?  
Wrap it up.

\- I think I saw Even kissing some other girl. - Vilde bites her lip, pulling at her rucksack's straps. She is hurting too. She feels betrayed too. They all do. Because they all love Even. Because Even makes everyone happy. Everyone who is lucky enough to become a part of his life.

\- Where is he? - Isak utteres blankly. - I need to see it.

\- No, Isak... I don't think you should... - Vilde mumbles weakly, and others agree,

\- Bro, she's right, don't go. - Magnus touches his shoulder, but Isak brushes it off,

\- Where's he, Vilde?! - Isak looks annoyed and determined. - I need to see how this bastard destroys everything! Glamorous, provocative, just like he loves it in his movies! Just like in his damn movies!

His voice is shaky and he is afraid he's going to cry.

\- Okay, I'll find him by myself, - Isak pushes Jonas out of his way and heads to the canteen, ignoring his friends shouting behind his back. Isak knows Even. God damn it, Isak knows him like the back of his hand. If Even wants a show, everybody will see it. If Even wants to prove that him and Isak are over, everybody will see it.

Isak practically runs into the canteen, stomping his feet furiously. But when he makes the first step inside, doubt douses him with freezing-cold realization. Is he really ready to see it? The guys were right, he isn't. He had to calm down first and then make a decision. And while he's thinking about it, his eyes automatically wander across the room, looking for a familiar face amongst the students, and he almost misses what he was looking for but then...

\- Even! - he hears a high-pitched laugh from the far corner of the canteen.

Isak sees the way his beautiful masculine hands dug into the long blond hair, he sees the way he presses his thumb on her cheek, making her open her mouth and kisses her with tongue. She sits on the dining table and he stands between her spread legs, stroking her slim thighs with another hand.

_Strong fingers in his curly hair. The scent of their common perfume, his soft skin, the brightness of his big blue eyes. A thumb on his plump lips, gentle bite, causing fire burn across Isak's body, his laugh, deep and sexy. The windowsill,Isak, Even between his legs. The other hand is on his hip, firm loving grip on what belongs only to him._

_'Forever'_

Even kisses her passionately, pausing only to give her a look that Isak knows well. It is the look Even met him with every morning. It is the look Even gifted him every time he came back from another episode in his embrace. It is the look that made him hot all over every time he caught it walking out of the shower, naked and vulnerable. The look that meant the world they created for each other.

_I can't believe you are mine._

That look doesn't belong to Isak anymore.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooooooo sorry for my English :P Sometimes I wish I was born in an English-speaking country only to be able to write normal fics :D

It's been a week. Isak is carefully sipping his extra hot coffee while sitting at the terrace of some coffeshop he has never been before. It was hard to find a place he and Even haven't visited yet. The memories are driving him crazy. It seems that during these two last years together they have made common memories in every little corner of Oslo.

The guy sighs, warming his hands with the heat of his coffee cup. It's been just a week and he already wants to crawl the walls. What is he going to do? With the apartment Even left him, although it is him, who owns it on paper, not Isak. With the empty wardrobe, with the fridge, with the lonely toothbrush in the bathroom, with one towel, with the lonely partner-teamug, with one pair of shoes in the hallway, with the lonely... With his loneliness.

Even made sure to leave no trace of his existence in their home. No reminder. But the emptiness he left behind is the most obvious reminder. The apartment was meant for them two. And now it makes no sense.

\- I'm thinking about moving out, - Isak finally breathes out, letting out a steam of air.

Jonas frowns. He's spent ten minutes silently observing his best friend's face, patiently waiting for him to speak.

\- So where are you planning to go? - he asks carefully.

\- I applied to the Uni's dormitory. They provide underprivileged students with a room. And since I don't work...

Even was the only one who worked. Isak's curriculum did't let him to work even part-time but since he was getting the Uni's scolarship, his contribution to their common budget was not less than Even's.

\- I'm pretty sure they will accept my application, so... I just wanted you to know.

\- Okay... If it makes you feel better, I'm all for it...

\- It does, - Isak smiles sadly. - Yeah, I will feel better soon.

He's lying. Isak has no idea how in the world is it possible to feel better when Even is no longer in his life. It is not possible.

\- Mhm, Jonas? - he asks a couple of minutes later.

\- Yeah?

\- I don't want Even to know about this.

\- Erm, okay. But why? - he looks at his friend and bites his lip, hoping, that Isak finally talks about what happened between him and Even, but never intending to pressure him too.

\- Just... Make sure he never finds out where I'm moving, okay? Do that for me.

\- Fine. I'll talk to guys. And... You know we're on your side, right?

Isak shifts his gaze from the already cold coffee.

\- No, Jonas. You don't have to take someone's side. - He drinks the remains and crushes the coffee cup. - Even is your friend too. He's not just my boyf... ex-boyfriend. Yes. Right. But what I mean is you don't have to feel guilty for hanging out with him, - Isak crushes the cup till his knuckles become white. - What happened is our problem. Not yours.

\- And what happened is..? - Jonas asks carefully, wishing to finally find out what it was that turned his best friend into this broken and sad creature. Isak looks even worse than when his parents got divorced. And right now Jonas is freaking scared. He's scared that Isak might do something stupid. Why on Earth would Even do that to his most important person in the universe? Jonas just can't believe it. 

Isak keeps silent. He doesn't shift his eyes from the glass cafe doors and chews his lips. Jonas knows that Isak is fighting the desire to speak out, holding back the words that crave to get out.

\- Let's go eat some kebab? - It usually takes no more that a second for Isak to answer with a "fuck, yes" to this question but today he just whispers,

\- I'm not hungry.

Jonas immediately reacts,

\- Isak, are you eating well?

Isak wrinkles his nose.

\- Isak... Don't tell me that coffee is your only food.

Isak's facial expression speaks for itself.

\- Gosh... When was the last time you ate?

Isak just brushes it off,

\- I can't eat in our apartment. But I have dinners at Uni. I promise. Don't worry.

Jonas can't _not_ worry.

\- You need to move out quickly, - He squeezes Isak's wrist so that the boy looks back at him. - Do you wanna crash at my place til the dormitory is approved? Mum's gonna be so happy. She will cook your favourite pasta.

Isak's face lits up a little. He doesn't frown so much anymore, his gaze is relaxed and filled with gratitude. Jonas exhales. Why does this all happen to his best friend?

\- You know what. Let's go there right now. I'll help you gather your things.

Isak is grateful that someone took the initiative. Any extra movement caused unbearable anxiety and severe fatique. It seems that he consists only of it. Of fatique, headache and heaviness inside his chest.

 

***

 

**"I left the apartment. The keys are in the mailbox."**

Isak sends the message, shoves his phone into his jeans pocket and gets on a bike. Yesterday he and Jonas gathered all his stuff, cleaned the flat and called a cab. Jonas' Mum was even too happy to see him, and Isak understood that Jonas had already told her everything. Which was even for the better. He doesn't mind it. Because he probably needs this kind of pity, the one that's like what mothers feel towards their kids. The one he has never had. And now, when Even's no longer in his life, Isak feels vital need for any sort of himan's warmth and affection. So he stays.

Him and Jonas were both going to the same place: they attended the University of Oslo just like Magnus, Vilde and Even, but studied in different buildings. Isak was so excited that they turned out there together, although it seemed almost impossible when they were still in high school. The library, the canteen, the gym and the administration all were situated in the main building meaning their paths crossed regularly. Albeit now it causes a problem Isak could never even imagine before. He doesn't want to see Even. The last Monday was quite enough. He missed a whole week after the scene in the canteen and now he has to spend evenings studying in the library to catch up with what he has missed.

Isak shakes his head and turns towards the door,

\- Jonas? Are you coming or what?

\- Coming! - Jonas gets his bike out of the house, throws his backpack on his shoulders and jumps on the seat, pushing off hard from the ground, - I'm so glad I don't have to Uni alone anymore. We're just like when we were kids, look! - Jonas sincerely smiles and Isak can't resist to give the smile back.

\- Uh Huh, I bet you're still a tortoise, - Isak laughs.

Encouraged by Isak's good mood, Jonas shoots forward,

\- Oh, stop lying, it was you who always lost!

They are riding fast on the narrow street, competing with each other and laughing out loud. When Isak leaves Jonas far behind and is ready to shout and declare himself a winner, his phone buzzes in his pocket. Isak stops, making Jonas do the same.

It's him. Even is calling him. His photo on the screen. His sunny smile, sparkles on his cheeks, black eyeliner on his eyes, wild mess on his head, a dark T-shirt with a v-neck. That evening Eskild decided to work on his image, and it was the first time Isak approved of Eskilds styling skills. Even looked smashingly handsome that night and Isak couldn't resist to take a photo of him, which became one of his favourites.

He freezes in doubt for a second and stares at his phone blankly before rejecting the call. 

Jonas raises his brows in question but Isak just wrinkles his nose, gets on his bike and moves forward, throwing a teasing "Don't be so annoyingly slow, little tortoise!"

 

***

 

At 6 P.M. Isak is already looking through anatomy book in the depth of the Uni's library. At moments like this he happens to regret his choice to become a doctor. He has to study almost 24/7 and it is only the beginning of his first year here. It's been two months and Isak already sees medical terms everywhere (literally) and all his dreams consist of the lectures he attended the day before.

He often used to wake up in the middle of the night from Even's gentle shushing; Isak was crying in his sleep, he was tossing and turning and sweating violently; he had dreams about people's insides and crazy patients, all of his life experience related to the medicine, all of the medical movies he had watched, everything had combined into one dreadful nightmare, driving him insane. Even used to feed him with warm milk, while he sat there in their tiny kitchen feeling tired and sleepy, and then he brought him to bed, kissing him gently into sleep.

Now Isak can't sleep at all.

He is sipping his fifth coffee this day. Isak gets out his smartphone and looks at the reflection on the dark screen. Not a really attractive picture he sees there, unfortunately. Two noticeable dark cirlces, a sharp chin and sharp cheekbones, all of it making every feature on his face more prominent than usual. No, he doesn't look more attractive, on the contrary, Isak is starting to look like one of the patients he is going to treat when he becomes a doctor.

While the boy studies his face, the screen lits up, announcing an upcoming SMS.

**Evy <3**

**_Isak, let's talk. You don't have to move out, I never wanted to..._ **

Isak doesn't open the notification and locks his phone. He angrily opens his backpack, throws his phone inside, then zips the bag back and tosses it under the table. If Even thinks he can ignore him for ten days and then just give a call and Isak will run back like a loyal puppy, he's a fucking idiot. Isak has a fucking pride, despite the fact that deep inside he's dying to read that text. What if Even wrote something important? Like maybe that he never wanted to **leave** him? Or that he never wanted to **cheat** on him? **Date someone** behind his back? Or that maybe he never wanted to **BETRAY** him?

No. It's just bullshit. Even betrayed Isak, no matter how stupid and absurd that sounds. You can't forgive that. You can't forget that. 

They had everything in the world, but for Even it wasn't enough. They had the whole world at their feet, the happiness most of the people never get lucky to experience, but Even neglected it. Isak knows that whatever it is that Even feels for the blond girl he kissed in the canteen last Monday will never match the love that was between them two.

_A love like this only happens once._

It feels bitter on his tongue but it's the only thing that holds him right now. Everything that was between them can't be forgotten easily. It was as hurtful as it was beautiful. 

But it's over now.

**The only way to have something for infinite time, is by losing it.**

Fucking Even.

Maybe he managed to move on but Isak couldn't. It feels like their realtionship has made him absolutely indifferent to anybody else. It was gross to imagine touching somebody else, kissing somebody else, having sex with somebody else... Loving somebody else, who isn't him. Who isn't Even.

Isak has been staring at his anatomy book for a long time now, and he hasn't moved an inch from the first sentence of the paragraph. It feels like he has already read a whole page but not a single bit of information stayed in his memory, and he had to start again and again. His headache became even worse than before, so he decided to lie for a bit. He stretches his left arm and puts his pulsating head on it, staring into space, into nowhere, wishing to catch at least a tiny moment of peaceful rest. Even if it is on this hard library desk and not in a comfortable two-sized bed, which smells of lavender, shampoo and Even's skin... But there is no comfortable place for sleep anymore, he is ready to sleep wherever and whenever, only if there are people around him, only if he's _not alone_ in a cold empty room... 

\- Isak.

Isak opens his eyes and feels chills run across his spine. Surely, he knows whom this voice belongs to. Isak is debating between looking at Even and pretending to sleep.

However, when Even puts his big palm on his back, touching his bare cervical vertebrae with familiarly long fingers, Isak hisses, jumping up and almost pushing away his chair.

The boy jumps away from Even and frozes in place, meeting two bright blue eyes that pierce into him attentively. Even studies his face, pausing on trembling curved lips that haven't changed their bluish color to normal for days now. He frowns and examines Isak's skinny body, noticing how freely his green T-shirt sits on him in places where it previously hugged his muscles tightly.

The guy extends his hand, wishing to touch Isak's collarbone, the way he always used to do when he wanted to express care and tenderness, but Isak sees his intention and makes a step back, avoiding the touch and folding his hands. Protecting himself. Protecting his weary heart from the new wounds.

Even hides his hand in his pocket and brushes his hair with another hand. He looks nervous. The whole situation is insanely comical and pointless, why is Even even here?

\- What are you doing here? You never go to the library, - Isak stupidly asks.

Even frowns,

\- Why not? I do.

Even hated going to the library. Even when Isak had to study on late evenings, Even used to wait for him anywhere in the Uni but the library. They couldn't talk there or cuddle. They couldn't touch too much or kiss. Surely, Even loved watching Isak's face but when he paid him no attention being dug into some boring books, Even felt useless. So he went to the gym instead, watching his friends play basketball until Isak finished. He didn't want to go home alone on days when he didn't have to work, therefore, he waited for Isak, so they both could think on what to do the following evening.

Even continues,

\- I called you today. And texted. Have you not seen my message?

Isak shrugs,

\- Forgot my phone at home.

As indifferent as possible.

\- Hm, - Even gives him a distrustful look. - Okay. But I got _your_ message. That you're moving out.

Isak nods.

\- And... - Even pauses. - I don't want you to leave, Isak. It's... Your home. Please, stay. 

\- I've already left the place. It was my decision. And, it's not my home, but yours. - Isak starts to pick up his things from the desk because _this conversation, this meeting_ \- is just too much. He can't stand there and listen to _his_ voice, see _his_ eyes. He can't stand seeing the way his hair is free now, not styled at all, looking so unfamiliar and distant. Even always styled his hair, even when they didn't have to go outside, spending lazy afternoons at home...

\- Isak, listen. Please, don't be stubborn.

\- You think I'm being stubborn?! - Isak is laughing now, but it's not the beautiful laughter, not the one that makes Even's mind go dark with love and lust. It's the laughter full of bile and pain. - I'm being stubborn, that's what you think?! Even, has she fucked your brain out? - Isak wants to cry.

\- Isak, please, don't say that...

\- You know what, Even? Go to hell! Do you really think that after everything you've done I can stay there by myself?

\- But... where are you going to live?.. - Even asks weakly. - I know you can't go back to Eskild's, all rooms are taken there, are you really going back to your Mum's house? Isak, you're...

\- Why does it bother you so much, Even? The fuck! - Isak can't hold back his emotions anymore. He's squeezing his backpack so hard his knuckles go white. - We're no one to each other. Do you really care about me? Then you should have said that you don't want me anymore! You should have said that you want to fuck someone else before doing it behind my back! 

People start hissing at them, ordering to be quiet. Isak completely forgets that they are in the library. He is watching Even wearily and his breathing is heavy.

Even want to say something but the buzzing of his phone stops him. He looks at the screen and then turns around and looks upstairs. Isak involuntarily follows his gaze and sees a graceful young blonde girl, bent over the banister and gesturing Even to climb up the stairs.

Even slowly faces Isak; eyes wide open and his face guilty and sad.

\- Isak...

The blond boy smiles and nods approvingly,

\- I see now you have someone to go to the library with. Congrats, my friend.

Isak watches how Even's face falls at the last word. Serves him right. Isak wants to hurt him as hard as possible, in spite hurting himself at the same time. But that's okay. He'll be fine. He's a masochist, right?

Isak looks at the blond girl again, winks at her and salutes her defiantly. Then he wears his backpack and walks past Even, not bothering to pay him a last look before storming out of the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any assumptions about what the F has happened here in this fic? I love comments because they let me see how you percept the story!


End file.
